[…] Books that Inspire Holiness – Patricia A. Crawford & Kerry A. Crawford, The Reg 25 Ways to Show Your Husband You Love Him – Sam Guzman, The Catholic Gentleman Paul Ryan: Faithful Catholic or Ayn Rand […]
A blog for Catholic men that seeks to encourage virtue, the pursuit of holiness and the art of true masculinity.
Last year, I wrote a post called, Keep Dating Your Wife, outlining some basic ways men can show their wives that they care for them. After sharing that post again recently, I received several requests to write a post with ways wives can bless their husbands. So here it is.
Honestly, I found this post more challenging to write, mostly because it seemed rather self-serving to write some of these things. Nevertheless, it is true that marriage is a partnership, and mutual self-giving is necessary for a happy marriage. Yes, it is true that marriages break down when men stop loving and serving their wives, but they are also harmed when women undermine and belittle their husbands. As the saying goes, it takes two to tango.
As I suggested in my post for husbands, a simple rule for a happy marriage is pretending you are still dating. What did you do then and why? In those days, you probably hoped to delight the man you have since married. Perhaps you wanted to be beautiful for him, to be worthy of his attention. You wanted to make him want to pursue you. So if you want to make your husband happy, do what you did then—win his heart all over again.
Here are 25 simple ways to show your husband you love him.
Marriage, in many ways, is not that complicated. A successful marriage begins and ends with the other person—with seeking their happiness, with giving yourself to them in countless acts of love and sacrifice. So many marriages fail because spouses start with their own happiness in view; because they see their husband or wife as a means to the end of self-fulfillment. The only way to be happy in marriage is to forget about yourself and to give unconditionally. Only when you lose yourself in this way will you find the happiness you seek.
Self-seeking makes for miserable marriages. Self-giving makes for happy marriages. Marriage is an investment. A long term investment. As a general rule, the more you give the more you will get. Of course there are tragic exceptions, but the point is, loving your spouse usually pays rich dividends in joy and mutual love. Selfishness, on the other hand, only leads to misery, anger, and self-defeat.
Wives, no matter what your marriage is like now, there was probably a time when you wanted to win your husband’s heart. Do you now? It means a lot to a man to know that he is wanted; to know that he is respected, admired, and loved. Seek to give life to your husband and delight him. Build him up instead of tearing him down.
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[…] Books that Inspire Holiness – Patricia A. Crawford & Kerry A. Crawford, The Reg 25 Ways to Show Your Husband You Love Him – Sam Guzman, The Catholic Gentleman Paul Ryan: Faithful Catholic or Ayn Rand […]
[…] 25 Ways to Show Your Husband You Love Him – Sam Guzman, The Catholic Gentleman […]
J. Cat says
Very good post. Perhaps a couple of additional ones.
26. Don’t make his entire existence seem to be a dumping ground for problems alone.
27. When you present problems realize that he will perceive his tasks as analyzing them and looking for solutions. So don’t dump problems and then complain if solutions are proposed, with the “I only wanted to tell them to you.”
28. Realize that a lot of men are stuck in jobs that they really hate, but they keep on keeping on at them as they must provide. If they have issues with their employment, don’t brush it off, even if there is no solution.
29. Avoid making it seem like his role in the family is providing an income, and that its pretty much limited to that.
Lukas says
Thank you. You get it.
Sarah Scherrer says
Good post. However, I would add: remember the long-term goal of helping lead your husband to heaven. Sometimes that means gently, lovingly helping him to see a fault that, perhaps, others see (but he doesn’t) or that is harming his relationship with others. From there, helping him to work on that fault and being his cheerleader along the way!
Lynn says
Say more…HOW do you do this? I never know how. Sometimes it just happens all on its own without much forethought. Other times I come off as critical. When something really bothers me, it comes across and I can’t figure out what to do.
Sarah Scherrer says
Sorry–I tried to reply yesterday, but it wouldn’t post. If it’s only something that bothers JUST YOU, then try to get over it. If it’s harming his relationships, then help him to see that. Like any fraternal correction, pray about it, make sure your motives are pure and selfless, ask a spiritual director for help if need be, even appeal to his guardian angel–it’s all good! If you are already doing the 25 things listed in this article above, all you need now is a sense of humor, humility and the right moment. Go for it. Oh, and it always helps to remind him first of something about him that you admire.
J. Cat says
I’d like to see a post here sometime for people who are in mixed, i.e., Catholic/NonCatholic relationships. Marriages, but also dating relationships.
In our pluralistic society, I suspect that this mixing is both one of the largest sources of conversion, and one of the largest sources of Catholics lapsing. It seems to be a standard view in North America that love conquers all and that if you have to switch religions that’s okay. We don’t do much to try to direct the young towards each other, and we don’t do a lot to let those marrying a non Catholic about what challenges they might face with that.
Jordan Bros says
I come from a mixed marriage, I was Baptist my wife Catholic. My wife never pressured me, we made the decision early on to raise any kids Catholic as it is easier to begin in the Church than come in later. I went through a crisis of faith and began reading a lot about Christianity and slowly came around to the idea that I should become Catholic. My wife supported me in that decision and she began to read about our faith as well. We are both better practicing Catholics now, although we still have a long way to go to be truly Holy. If I had not married a Catholic there is a good chance I would still be Baptist, not because she conjoled but by virtue of her being one it opened up that door. I don’t think mixed marriages are for everyone because it does open a door of temptation to leave the Church, but if you are strong enough in your identity as a Catholic or really strong in your faith as a Catholic it can be a door to conversion for the spouse.
Kelly Jean Curto says
Thank you for writing this. I have a few to add of my own, but every day, in every way I look to please my husband. I believe he was a blessing from God and I will treat him as such, every day of his life. Thank you again for writing this.
Michael Kozaki says
I think a successful marriage begins and ends with doing the right thing. Not by seeking happiness for one’s spouse. Nor for oneself. Rather, it comes from seeking what is right. Even when it’s hard. Many people think they are happier using birth control, for example. Or in having more luxuries. And so on. It’s far easier for a spouse give of oneself to make others “happy” than it is to do the right thing for the true benefit of the entire family with eternity in mind. Not so easy.
What makes a good marriage? To seek what is best for the family, even if that makes individuals (married couples, extended family, children) less happy.
jes says
At what point does a husband need to apologize or express appresiation. Marriage is a two way street.
Michelle says
Nicely done Sam! There is only one thing I would change. On the list for the men, “pray for her” was number 12. I would change it to #1 like you have for the women. Thanks for the encouragement!
Connie Nolan says
I love these ideas! Can you also tell me where to find your blog “Keep Dating Your Wife”. My husband and I have been married for 45 years and I love the ideas that you present in this blog. I think my husband would enjoy reading (and maybe get some great ideas) from your prior blog. Thanks!
Rimjhim Aggarwal says
Wonderful explanations indeed! To demonstrate your better half exactly the amount you cherish him and the amount he intends to you, the most ideal approach to do that is with appreciation. The motivation behind why it is so successful is on the grounds that it is appearing or demonstrating to him exactly how extraordinary you truly think he is. He gets the opportunity to feel your affection on his and he gets the chance to feel the adoration originated from your each pore and being. Thanks!
christina chaff says
That’s really interesting way to keep love alive in your relationship. Thanks for sharing the wonderful tips that surely win his heart all over again.
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